Intro

Hey Guys! (there was a time i was scolded for addressing a group of men & women as "Guys") it was in a group counseling setting- where i happened to be assisting in facilitating. "oh GREAT so another thing i am NOT good at or i AM actually good at but let's not give this young pretty girl any credit- right" -- well anyway- thats how i read that. in my time of grad school. in a program full of addicts and those recovering. and there i was little did anyone know where i was coming from or my story- i was NOT in recovery and i was NOT about to share my story. another day, another time- just not there.

funny thing was, life at that time put me there for a reason- to later prepare me for a life of continued chaos. i felt, that as a kid teenager young adult an adult i lived chaos (silent chaos maybe even MILD chaos) but i was still able to thrive so ALL of it was OK. i was better than that. i learned a lot from that. i remained cautious (unable to trust, id even go so far as to say i didnt even trust myself so i limited myself in A LOT of things) i never pushed myself- i tended to always strive for comfort, never above, never below. i never wanted to extend myself for fear of being wrong and not doing something the WRONG way or by not being prepared enough to do it REALLY good the first time. not that it was NORMAL i knew my life and upbringing wasnt normal. i did HOWEVER know that i was LUCKY to have a special set of amazing, nurturing & loving paternal grandparents. see it's unique that i realized that then and i realize that now. they gave me the world and they will still give me the world- if need be.

alright look at this- i am already rambling and this is making no sense.
i am just going to leave it at that is IF you came back i will try again at a second intro- we'll see.

abandoning this post, its not perfect enough.